Friday, April 22, 2005

The Critical Fop


And now That One Blog's critic-at-large, the Viscount Mayberry Jourdain. Better known as The Critical Fop:

Tis a ponderous burden being a fop in this modern age. My benefactor, Lady Agnus Smythe-Reese has furnished for me adequate accommodations in her penthouse apartment, and in so expects me to provide her company and companionship. She particularly enjoys the tile game mahjong and challenges me to endless duels. While letting her win (and listening to her endless stories about the buffet on her last cruise) I can't help but notice how the inch thick pancake makeup she applies to hide her 68 years and the lipstick she rarely keeps within the borders of her lips, mix to form an off-red crust. This crust in turn outlines the circumference of her wrinkled mouth and gives her the appearance of a clown face balloon which is losing air.

In facing this each day one can imagine how I find my only solace in the various entertainments and diversions of your 21st Century. Yet I am a man of discriminating tastes, and much of what I see troubles my highly refined sensibilities.

The situation comedy Joey (NBC) reminds me of the automated music box which was the favorite toy of Prince Worthington of Bulklavastan. I, being a member of his court, would be trooped in with other Lords and Ladies to watch this contraption's four mechanical musicians play (off-key) several of Mozart's concertos. 'Twas a wondrous invention, but after the third or fourth viewing it's novelty wore off and the machine became most tiresome and predictable. Tis the same with Joey. It's as if someone winds it's key each week and it plays. The actors are not without talent, but can seldom display it as the gears of this program demand a regular, setup, punch line, setup, punch line, leaving them in character not unlike Prince Worthington's automatons. Some trifle of amusement is occasionally produced but mostly we just watch it play until it winds down and mercifully ends. It makes one reach for his snuff box in regret for another half hour of one's short time on earth, lost.

Alas, my benefactor is calling after me for more mahjong..."You look as lovely as ever Milady. Is that a new dress? Really, the buffet had an ice sculpture shaped like a dolphin? Amazing my dear, simply amazing...(sigh)...."

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